MY 1st DAY AS A TANTRA ESCORT | A SPIRITUAL STORY
I cannot say that 2 years have flown by. In fact, time did not fly by. It is as though time slowed down. When I see photos from 3, or 5, or 7 years ago, those times feel like yesterday. In stark contrast, the last 2 years feel like time expanded and slowed down.
During that time, I moved form India to London, and from London to NYC. Before that, I was oversees in the Eastern part of the world, getting as deep as I could into unexplainable mysteries. It was a time of “sponging” for me, as I took-in, and discovered, as much mysticism, miraculousness, and ancient healing modalities as I could.
Now to set your expectations about this Blog, it is not a “12 things I learned after 2 years as a Tantra Escort” blog, nor is it an explicit description about my first client meeting. However, it is something very personal that I never before shared, and have wanted too for a long time.
I wanted to become an escort, so I can finally be a writer. That is the journey I am actually chasing here just so you know.
Although this isn’t a sex-hyped blog, I share with you the deepest aspect of myself, and my hope is that it makes you feel something new. Excitement. Possibility. Inspiration.
JOURNAL OF A TANTRA ESCORT
I witnessed fire come out of my teacher’s finger, I felt my own body be controlled and moved into uncontrollable laughter with his one eye brow raise from many feet away. My peak moment in practice was when I lost all sense of my physical body, still of course had mental/conscious awareness, but literally was in the dark night of space, or maybe I was space, or became space for a moment…not sure.
I’ve heard others call it the “Cosmic You,” so in this case, I met the Cosmic Tashizelle. It was the craziest thing I ever experienced. It’s already difficult to imagine being alive without a body, and now I was fully more alive than ever, somewhere in space, with a body on earth I could not see, feel or touch. I had FULL vision, but no eyes! No doubt the most expansive experience thus far.
I asked others that where studying there with me, if that had happened to them when doing XYZ. I still remember one gentleman smirked and said, “Welcome to the family.”
Besides the out-of-this-world spiritual instances, I was observing other things arising in myself that I would have not discovered living in America.
Anytime we would drive by temples in India, I would get so incredibly H O R N Y. Hornier than I have ever felt towards a person before. This was visceral and all encompassing. “How the F am I getting so turned on?” I would think. My yoni would turn into hot fire and my mouth would start to salivate. Literally I’d be almost drooling in the taxis, wondering how I’m going to get out of this situation.
Tantra teaches one way out of situations only, and that is THROUGH.
It continued for the almost 10 years while I was overseas. Anytime I’d pass by a temple, I’d lose it. I only wanted to make love in temples. I thought something must be going very wrong with me. No, actually, I never thought that. My thinking was more concerned with why I wasn’t thinking that there was something wrong with me.
It felt completely natural. Think about it! Doesn’t sex in a temple sound like exactly where sex belongs?! For me it did, and still does. I didn’t make things any better…and I’ve never shared this obviously – I did get in major trouble once by the enlightened master I was studying with. I slept with his right hand man. Almost got away with it. My bags were packed and in the van as I was in my way to the airport, and he walked fast up to me frazzled saying, “Are you here for spiritual or sexual”? I said shakingly, “both.”
I explained, I meant no disrespect, “I just have this thing,” I said. “I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am this way. The two seem to be one for me.”
I thought I was fucked. He invited me in his home to go speak with him and his wife. Her English was better and she explained how much they loved me, that they only love me, and gave me a special concoction to eat to delete the karma of whatever I had done, because apparently there was an adjacent story, I wasn’t aware of. Dramatics.
My only question was, “If I come back, will you welcome me?” They said yes. I went back years later, and moved nearby actually. What can I say…all sorts of growth and discovery and experience was happening, uniting with Cosmic Tashizelle, my kundalini Shakti rising, total love, acceptance and protection.
Needless to say, I was hugely disappointed upon coming back from the east to the west. I kept lamenting how there are no temples, and that I miss temples. Some of my clients have heard me say this to this day.
Later I recognized not only did I miss the beauty of the temples, but energy they emitted. Not only the fire they created inside me, but the total peace that quickly dissolved fake layers, and anchored me in my natural state of humanness and who I truly was on a soul level. To me that end result is an extremely sultry and connected feeling.
I couldn’t live without the physical temples AND without their energy, and realized, I was trained to recreate this energy from the inside out…so I did upon returning to the west.
There is a certain energy I felt living in the east, and I do my best to vibrate that energy when I meet someone, ensuring it envelopes us inside a sacred field from the moment we meet for dinner or otherwise.
When I say time slowed for me, this is one reason why. I became super hyper present with every second, with all pleasure and pain, heartbeats, pulses, breathing patterns, the works. It has been a wild experience for me.
Something you should know, I go into experiences in life to learn something about myself. Yes, I appreciate and need and want the gifts and luxurious surprises and experiences, and being in the presence of incredibly inspiring, kind and attentive men, but you must know, with all this, still it’s my own self and reflection I aim to purify, and all your gifts, continue to open and open my heart, my Cosmic field, and my truth, and true life purpose.
You’ve asked me in person, what purification means to me. At one level this looks like the active deletion of all thoughts that aren’t mine, or true for me.
In Tantra, words like virgin or untouched, are referring to the mind. A woman on a Tantric path, is not about her massage skills, or her kegel skills. It is her reaching the boundless ecstasy of an untouched mind.
It’s tough work!…and one needs to be done in a lux, time-lush, comfy environment! Actually one doesn’t. But after 10 years of doing it in a very uncomfortable 3rd world environment, I’m happy to reflect in a luxurious spa, or my sky-high Manhattan apartment, or in real time with you! Instantly purifying my nature to its most authentic core.
With all this, you wouldn’t now be surprised to hear about my first ridiculous day working as an escort…
or maybe you would be surprised. It is literally a hilarious scene.
Are you ready? I’ve only shared with one person before.
I had spent 6 months making my website. It would have been faster if I didn’t have my other business to run.
I had plans to go back to India for my normal work, and I was thankful it was in my favorite area, where my Tantric Journey first began.
I’ve been going there since my early 20s, and was excited to go visit my good friend who’s a world renowned Vedic Astrologer.
For those of you that don’t know, Vedic astrology and western astrology are not at all similar. In short, Vedic astrology focuses on purpose and path, and simply helps answer the question, “Why exactly am I here?”
I go to the home of the Vedic Astrologer, and as always, there is a line out the door of many people waiting in the dead hot Indian sun, while he sits inside on the floor sipping chai with his assistant and the current client for a 20-minute slot.
He sees me near the door and does the famous, “Hey wow you are here! Come on in, sit down, remind me your birthday?”
LMAO!! Now everyone hates me. Everyone waiting for hours outside the door in the unbearable Indian heat, absolutely hates me.
He finishes with the client, we chit chat and sip chai. He pulls up my chart and I say, “Soooo I’m thinking of becoming an escort.”
He literally, no joke, looks at the chart, looks at me, and says, “May 10th. London?”
I couldn’t believe it, and honestly replied, That’s the date of my plane ticket.”
He continuous saying, “You’ve been trying to run away from this for a while, you can’t anymore. It’s free and clear for you for 10 years.
Now I am dying in laughter, wondering how many people at the door that already hate me, heard that. So I clarify a bit louder to make sure everyone hears, “You are saying is my destiny, purpose and path to be an escort this lifetime?”
He answers, “That is what I’m telling you. London and Amsterdam good for you.”
He didn’t say NYC, but damn, it’s been good to me.
Imagine my shock, but no shock at all. The confirmation was insane.
I have multiple University Degrees, and this is what I came here to do with all my brilliance? Great okay!
I left India shortly after, picked up the rest of my things in Europe where I was living, and dashed to London.
I had just launched it my website and posted advertisements. I had already dealt with a multiple un-gentlemanly-like texts, calls, and resistances towards verification.
It had been almost 10 days of this, and no one right for me to meet. In “escort time,” that feels like 10 years. I started to spiral down thinking this was all a horrible idea.
On that 10th day I had tickets to go watch a top Tibetan spiritual leader speak in the west for the first time. You can imagine my excitement. It would feel like home for me again…
and I was determined that day to have my first client.
It was an all-day event with the Tibetan leader, and so I came prepared with a large bag, a change of clothes for dinner, and everything I might need for an evening of fun.
I was carrying it on my left shoulder while waiting in a huge line, fiddling on my phone. I get to the top to the line, my eyeballs dash to the left and then right noticing the many massive long tables for bag-check.
Are you kidding me! I tried not to let them see me smirking. The irony was killing me as I hoped they didn’t dig too deep inside my bag.
Not only that, but anytime I went outside for air, or for a break, they would recheck my bag to re-enter. I was dying laughing inside.
How crazy was all this? I did not expect it. I’m used to hanging out with spiritual masters in their natural, “cage-free” environment in India lol! But on that day, security was tight everywhere, and he was completely surrounded by bodyguards. No one could even get near him.
It was an incredible event, I teared up a lot just being in his presence…and yes, that evening I met my first client. (The next day I met my second client who’s still my client!)
Of course Tashizelle could only be initiated into the escorting playing field, after being in the thick spiritual air of this Tibetan leader. I’m not surprised, but I am laughing at my completely ridiculous nature and life. Never would have I imagined the depth of spiritual overlays in my work, yet, I felt it would be true for me.
So here it is in sum. The last 2 years, I have not cried one tear. I found a new self-reflection within myself, and I was so grateful to have the time to meet this new me. It’s been a time of pure joy, pure learning, and massive inner and outer upgrades.
I can honestly say, my life had been full of struggle and heart-ship, until the day I finally became a Companion.
It was like my life went on-line, online, and in-line with my chosen purpose and destiny, and all the anxiety and the jail I felt around me weighing me down, finally fell away.
I don’t like sharing this much, because it is like a “tongue twister” for peoples’ brains, but I can also honestly say, before I was a Companion I was treated with respect possibly 50% of the time. Once I became a Companion, I was treated with respect 95% of the time.
Besides the luxury of not worrying about bills, having the ample free time for my hobbies and spiritual practices, and time and money to take care of my body mind and overall well-being and health, I had clear goals I wanted to accomplish with this work that were internal (only now realizing I should make some external ones).
Do you want to know them? I’ll tell you one of my internal intentions upon going into this work.
I wanted to meet higher quality men, for a specific reason. I wanted to meet compassionate, caring, dependable, open-minded, talented, highly-intelligent men, who I could be a breath of fresh (spiritual) air for. I wanted this because I could feel the majority of collective thought, plus my few disappointing experiences, moving my thinking downhill in regards to men, and I was not going to let that happen. (Remember we purify to make an untouched mind!)
I knew, and now KNOW, that men are absolutely incredible. I understand their struggles, and their strengths…and have been hyper present with all that they’ve shared with me, verbally and silently.
In a world where typically the opposite is heard, I absolutely love men. I am grateful to have been blessed with the comforts being a Companion provides, but more importantly, the enlarged viewpoint of how truly incredible men are when they are real and true gentlemen. Maybe because I’ve been so present, that is why time didn’t fly by. I wasn’t ejecting myself from situations, I was going all in. Like Tantra teaches, going right THROUGH!
My next “through” moment is happening as we speak. I’m thinking to rebrand a bit, possibly write more for you. I’ve toyed with the idea of stopping taking new clients at a certain time. We will see! I don’t know where this work will take me…but I do hope you will be there in some fashion, as a client, a fan, or one day at a one day book signing. Maybe all of the above.
Wish me luck as I embark on my next stage of self-recognition and life’s joy!
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